The patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

- I can't be sure what's wrong with you, the doctor said. I think it's the drinking.

- Okay, the patient said. Can we get an opinion from a doctor who's sober?

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violators of the driving under the influence laws.

At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys into 5 different cars before he got in his own.

Then he sat in the front seat of his car fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

You've got to have a dream if you want to make a dream come true.

Rodgers and Hammerstein

You can't get very far in this world without your dossier being there first.

Two church membros were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open.

A father and son went fishing one day. Sitting in the boat for a couple of hours gave them not much to do, so the son started thinking about the world around him. He began to get curious so he asked his father some questions.

How does this boat float?

The father thought for a moment, then replied,

- Don't rightly know, son.

The boy returned to his contemplation, but soon came up with another one:

- How do fich breath underwater?

Once again the father replied:

- Don't rightly know, son.

A little later the boy asked his father:

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even through it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the theacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.

The teacher asked, What if Jonah went to hell?

The little girl replied, Then you ask him.

Never get angry. Never make a threat. Reason with People Don Corleone from The Godfather by Mario Puzo.

Whenever we have an argument, my wife threatens to go back to her mother's house.

My wife uses a different approach. She threatens to bring HER mother to our house.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Eleanor Roosevelt